The Path to Happiness is a Twisting Road

I’ve been on a quest to learn to be happy.  It’s been made easier with the coming of Spring, and then Summer, because of the sunshine.  I’ve noticed sunshine is the most major thing that brings me joy.

I’ve been almost daily emerged in the re-wiring of my brain and soul by embracing those things that make me happy and then doing them, and also with power tapping (which I think has to do with the new way to look at issues that it brings), positive affirmations and prayers.

Also, I’m learning the reality of the principle of sowing and reaping that Jesus and the Bible taught (known also as karma, or a bit like kismit – it’s a universal rule of creation)  brings clarity to my daily life and the areas in which I’d want to emphasize.  That is, I WILL get back what I give out, as sure as the crops rise in Spring, the Sun leaves every evening to bring in the night, and my next breath.  Practicing this and keeping it in my remembrance helps me see the importance of generosity, charity, forgiveness (which is actually just when done properly, not unjust as the World teaches it should be done), and striving for my and others’ happiness as the key to receiving blessings.  The lessons of sowing and reaping actually keep my feet feeling more firmly on the ground and gives me a solid direction.

I’ve had days of real sadness, which often were brought on by exhaustion from physically pushing myself too hard with my CFS/Fibromyalgia.  When that happens my body breaks down and, therefore, I also have difficulty with emotional stabilization.  I become weepy and notice all the ‘negatives’ in my life, but when I’m stronger I can overcome them more easily by either tackling them in small chunks or by determining that other issues aren’t worth the energy worrying about.

But the bad days don’t become overwhelming and I know at the time that they’re just temporary.  I used to think at those times that I was having a bad life, now I see them more and more as just having bad days.

I’m learning so much through the ups and downs of the last few months and there are a few topics I’d like to explore further here in future posts.  My aim is for the default of my days to be happy ones, and the sad/dark/scary ones be the abnormal and occasional, and then those even fading lighter and lighter in disturbance.

I wish for all who read this a wonderful day and tomorrow, and may good things happen for you.

A Happy Thing a Day

When I decided on my 50th birthday, almost three months ago, that I was going to learn to be happy, I felt I was in for a long haul before I would begin to feel any different.  I thought there was months of just learning how to do it, and then the continuous practicing of it.  I was wrong.

It had taken an afternoon of searching “how to be happy” to see that the consensus of those practicing happiness was that… you just do happy things.  That’s it.  That’s all there is to it.  For me, part of ‘doing happy things’ was positive affirmations and energy tapping, all found off of Youtube, as well as actionable things.

After doing this for awhile, I found that all through the very first week I was feeling shots of mild happiness.  Those happiness shots became stronger as time went along.  Also, I more freely went for practicing happiness more than just once a day.

And that was an interesting insight – that I realized I was giving myself permission to go ahead and feel happy.  Maybe that’s also something others feel, too, when they’re learning to be happy.

So, the happy things chosen to do may be different from person to person, and for some of us many of the activities need to be free or of very low cost, like singing, music, playing with a pet, etc.

I also learned that the aim doesn’t have to be a strong happy but just a lifting of the spirits.

An interesting note is that that I’m also feeling sadness more strongly as a consequence, but I knew ahead of time that this would be so.  In fact, I knew that learning to allow myself to feel grief and sadness was part of my learning to feel pleasant feelings as well.

I write this as an encouragement to any who feel that childhood trauma, or trauma of any sort, has taken away your ability to feel good again.  If you were like me, some of you may feel that your brain has lost it’s ability to do so.  It hasn’t.

So, go ahead.  Little by little.  There can be sunshine in your life again, or even for the very first time.

Creating a New Narrative

I’m okay on my own.  I’m more me when I’m away from family members.  I felt distorted and inwardly dismembered when I came away from them, and felt like those interactions handed me an inner dark cloud that took a day or more to wash out.

What Your Soul Was Trying to Tell You

Learning to Love Myself is the Beginning of Being Happy

I used to never be able to love myself, never even wanted to say it without feeling gross inside.

Now I know I have to, and it’s time.

Gratitude – Having More Than Enough

I find myself in the habit of always focusing on what I don’t have and feel anxiety when thinking of those things I want or need.  I’ve been doing this almost all my life so to think differently is going to take a lot of practice.

A Small Victory Dream

I had a dream last night where, upon awaking, I was very happy with myself!  I was presented with a scenario in the dream and I responded just right to it.  It’s all part of my healing from childhood abuse in order to learn  how to engage with life in a healthy fashion after a lifetime of fear of rejection, even from strangers.

Emotional Aliveness

The more I work on being happy the more I find myself crying while reflecting on pain from the past.  I consider this a good thing.  I used to have an issue with not crying, nor feeling much emotions other than fear, pain and the accompanying anger.

Now that I’m daily having myself focus on being happy I can also feel other emotions that have been bottled up since my teenage years when I went tight and shut down.

I believe this blessing of emotional openness is due to two things.

Changes

I’ve been going through many changes lately and wanting to go through even more.  This push is from a need to getting back to who I really am, who I was intended to be from the beginning.  I had it as a child.  It was the window through which I tried to interpret the ongoing assaults to my body and spirit back then.  It became worn down enough that by the time I was around sixteen-years-old I still had my true self but it was worn more out of a sense of defensiveness rather than true expression.  I already knew that there were ways to be and to see oneself in the world that I couldn’t live up to and that I didn’t have the tools to meet them.

No-Contact: A Life Changer

No regrets.  I thought there might be, or some lingering sadness.  No, it’s been nothing but increasing relief.  The worries that I began with are going away, and they weren’t as important as I thought they were.  I feel better without them so much that the concerns don’t matter anymore.