Emotional Aliveness

girl-690327_960_720The more I work on being happy the more I find myself crying while reflecting on pain from the past.  I consider this a good thing.  I used to have an issue with not crying, nor feeling much emotions other than fear, pain and the accompanying anger.

Now that I’m daily having myself focus on being happy I can also feel other emotions that have been bottled up since my teenage years when I went tight and shut down.

I believe this blessing of emotional openness is due to two things.

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Changes

I’ve been going through many changes lately and wanting to go through even more.  This push is from a need to getting back to who I really am, who I was intended to be from the beginning.  I had it as a child.  It was the window through which I tried to interpret the ongoing assaults to my body and spirit back then.  It became worn down enough that by the time I was around sixteen-years-old I still had my true self but it was worn more out of a sense of defensiveness rather than true expression.  I already knew that there were ways to be and to see oneself in the world that I couldn’t live up to and that I didn’t have the tools to meet them.

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Dignity and Boundaries.

Through reading others’ blogs and writing my own, I’ve come to the conclusion that my worries of being looked down on was mostly from me looking down on myself.  I believe some other people might take advantage of that, like chickens who peck on another chicken they see bleeding, but for the most part I’m thinking maybe some others would be willing to give me a chance if I can just come across confident enough.

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Trusted Instincts

Have you ever had a gut feeling about a situation or a person and that feeling ended up being right?  It doesn’t matter if it’s so strong that you removed yourself nearly immediately or it had taken a year or two, you left with the knowledge that something in you had given you a warning.  I asked that question with confidence that the majority of us would say yes, and that it was correct nearly every single time.  Yet we hear the advice ‘out there’ and even directly that we should give a person or a situation another chance if things don’t work out or feel right the first time.

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Healing From Childhood Abuse – My Lesson #3 – Happiness is Put On

9a4d52f71289f4e053bd6c52dc916aedGenuine happiness is put on.  I didn’t know.  I thought when others spoke of deciding to be cheerful that they were already coming from a baseline of a certain level of contentedness.  Well, they were, I suppose, but I didn’t know that it could be the same for others who have a baseline of chronic daily unhappiness.

“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalms. 118:24)  The Bible said it plain.  I thought it meant that this is something to strain for, that with our faces toward God we will slowly be able to become happier and happier until one day we can say this to ourselves and feel uplifted by it.  Now I see that one just decides to be happy.  That’s all there is to it.  It begins the day the person decides this.

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