One of the things that was valuable for me was finding out that many people who are the family scapegoats and experienced various forms of childhood abuse find themselves very stressed at work and perform like there’s a whip to their back. I’ve described my work life as a feeling of being dogged, driven to give an optimum level of output because I thought that was my only value in the workplace.
This has been a habit since I was a child at home and school, so it’s a lifetime’s worth of habit I’m needing to overcome. I face even self-selected projects like I’m about to launch into a dull coloured abyss of hard work and joylessness until it’s finished. I then try to enjoy the end result, thinking that’s the only time to feel some happiness in the process, but I’m usually just so relieved it’s over that I barely appreciate the completed job.
I also read from others’ experience that more gets done when you’re relaxed. I’m willing to try that! Perhaps if I work at a happy and relaxed pace that I’ll have more spontaneous creativity, easily solving apparent road blocks as they come up.
If I’m relaxed, more may also end up getting done as there isn’t the days of immobilization where something is kept being put aside due to any number of anxiety issues of getting started. Instead, there’s a flow to getting a little done everyday, and done with happiness instead of being tense.
This is a whole new way to approach work, the biggest being changing the concept of work as forced action and rather an act of creativity. I hope to see it from now as an opportunity bring into being through my own hands something that never existed before.