Work Creatively and Not in Fear

One of the things that was valuable for me was finding out that many people who are the family scapegoats and experienced various forms of childhood abuse find themselves very stressed at work and perform like there’s a whip to their back.  I’ve described my work life as a feeling of being dogged, driven to give an optimum level of output because I thought that was my only value in the workplace.

This has been a habit since I was a child at home and school, so it’s a lifetime’s worth of habit I’m needing to overcome.  I face even self-selected projects like I’m about to launch into a dull coloured abyss of hard work and joylessness until it’s finished.  I then try to enjoy the end result, thinking that’s the only time to feel some happiness in the process, but I’m usually just so relieved it’s over that I barely appreciate the completed job.

I also read from others’ experience that more gets done when you’re relaxed.  I’m willing to try that!  Perhaps if I work at a happy and relaxed pace that I’ll have more spontaneous creativity, easily solving apparent road blocks as they come up.

If I’m relaxed, more may also end up getting done as there isn’t the days of immobilization where something is kept being put aside due to any number of anxiety issues of getting started.  Instead, there’s a flow to getting a little done everyday, and done with happiness instead of being tense.

This is a whole new way to approach work, the biggest being changing the concept of work as forced action and rather an act of creativity.  I hope to see it from now as an opportunity bring into being through my own hands something that never existed before.

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7 thoughts on “Work Creatively and Not in Fear

  1. Hi Prarie Girl:) I had a hard time at work and eventually became disabled but I figured it out. Because my narcissistic mother was more about controlling me, I didn’t learn autonomy and initiative growing up therefore I had trouble pulling my own weight on the job and my co-workers bullied me for years which is what really ended up disabling me. But yes, I worked as hard as I could never enjoying it feeling judged and afraid no terrified of making mistakes. I had to try really hard because I knew I had areas that were lacking so I had to make up for them somehow. I had psychological abuse though besides being scapegoated so it got so bad that I had trouble thinking or myself. Im better now and just in the last few months Ive gotten even better than I was say 6 months ago and I feel ready to start volunteering soon and am entertaining a return to work within the year maybe. Im 51 so its a little late in life but I recall when I was a student in college there were women who were what my age is now going to school with me. Yes you relax and enjoy your work I really appreciated this post of yours and opportunity to tell you more about myself ((hug))

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m so glad to hear about your experience with work. It sounds like you were opposite to me, where I was working too hard like there was a whip to my back and you having difficulty with decision-making and initiative. So it’s very interesting how our childhoods led to different but equally maladaptive approach to tasks. It sounds like both of our approaches led to a breakdown of our minds and bodies to continue in such a way.

      I’m so glad you’re feeling a little better in this area! I think volunteering is an awesome way to dip your toes back in the waters.

      I’m learning to do something everyday towards things. That way I enjoy what I can do before the muscle pain begins and learn that the world doesn’t end if I don’t finish something at an ‘impressive’ time frame. I’m learning that I can go steady and the process will go fine, just the way it is.

      I hope you learn that even if you want to take a little longer to complete a job, then you can be at peace with that. I hope you find a job that you love and gives you the ability to do that. Like I sad, volunteering sounds like a great way to find something you love and your own unique niche.

      Liked by 1 person

    • “I hope you learn that even if you want to take a little longer to complete a job, then you can be at peace with that.” – Haha, I realized how patronizing that sounded, like you couldn’t figure that out yourself! I really didn’t mean it like that. I truly meant that I hope you find peace with any work you choose to put your hands to, as I do for myself. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. No youre fine Prarie Girl:) that was perfectly fine of you to say. In fact I needed to hear that. Let me add that having this puppy that I recently adopted(she’s only 4 months old), has worked to sharpen my mind, all of the thought put into her training etc. One of my providers said he always said he would like to recommend dogs as therapy. And the puppy gives me a little better company than my cat. Between the 3 of us theres always something going on here:) The apartment I live in is a happening place now lol. Im happier I can say:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, there’s nothing that kills a job faster than someone looking over your shoulder! You can be really adept at something but when someone is watching with a critical eye there’s mind-blanks and awkwardness. All creativity and proper thinking shuts down. Thanks for commenting about that!

      Liked by 1 person

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