I’ve been concentrating on enjoying the little things that bring me a spark of feeling good on a daily basis to improve my ability to enjoy things. Upon doing this I found I’m able to think about certain things in a slightly different angle. Things like:
It is possible to do something different than just survive. If living life feels like crawling on gravel then I’m doing something wrong, fundamentally wrong.
But that’s how I was living my life. It wasn’t so much that I was concentrating on survival but that I felt I could ONLY be in survival mode, even when there were other possibilities for me. I was so locked into that mode of being in this world that, without analyzing it, I felt it was irresponsible to do anything else but have my nose to the grindstone in all things. There was no rest, no soft place allowed myself to recoup my energy, no stopping to smell the roses. It’s like something bad would happen to me if I did, like there was a whip constantly at my back.
Also, being brought up in abuse can train the mind to lessen the awareness of things around you. When your living your days in emotional and mental pain it is better to not have heightened awareness, so your life is lived in a semi-disassociation. The colours are duller, sight and sound is on a need-to-know basis, not to stop and enjoy. Life is grey when you’re in pain because it needs to be. The mind doesn’t compartmentalize these things – if you need lowered awareness in some areas of your life for protection, it seems to lower your awareness in all areas.
Now I need to learn to heighten the awareness of all my senses. Learn and train to see and enjoy the little things. My looking into and practicing energy tapping, eating bright healthy foods, and working through and away from negative thoughts is my way of doing so.
I’ve worked on this for just over a week now and am determined to work on my happiness throughout the year. It is possible to live life outside of just surviving it. It’s possible to live in peace.