My Hell in Paradise – Part IV (The Attack)

All the little insults my sister had for me came to a head, and here’s the set-up.  We all know that it’s an industry-wide policy in hotels that you are no longer a guest after 11:00 am on your last day.  In resorts this means you may still be there after 11:00 if you don’t have to leave for the airport until later, but all you do is lose your all-inclusive wristband.  You can still use the resort normally and only have to now put any food or drinks you’d like to your credit card.

I repeat, this is industry-wide.

But not for my sister.  It turns out that my sister had asked the concierge to set up a meeting with the head resort manager as she didn’t find this agreeable with her.  She wasn’t leaving for the airport until 4:00 pm on her last day and she wanted to have her all-inclusive wristband during that time.  It didn’t matter that this was unusual and that they didn’t have other options for her.  I was in the office with her and my dad as a tag-along while the manager is trying to work something out.  Why?  Because my sister is one of those fake people with a smile pasted on their face but has an aggressive, strident manner that says simply that she will get what she wants, OR ELSE.

The manager was on the phone for a bit while we were in the office so I chatted a bit about nothing in particular I can remember.  I have the kind of voice that people are always asking me to speak up.  But while I’m talking my sister tells me to, “Be quiet, he’s on the phone” in a hard bitchy tone.  I know how to talk when someone’s on the phone, she just didn’t want to talk to me.  This was the final insult.  I quietly left the room.

A little later I saw them in the very large resort reception area.  It was the central area to several different things and entrances, like a sports bar, a desert shop, the elevators, etc., so there were tons of guests throughout it.  I, for one of the first times in my life, felt I needed to set a boundary and although I was inexperienced and afraid, I approached her.  I knew she could be volatile so I figured I’d set this boundary while in public where she’d have to just hear it instead of in our room where she’d might go off on me.  She said hi and about to say what they were up to, like nothing had even happened.  I told her quietly that I would like it if she would never tell me to be quiet again, obviously not willing to pretend what just happened didn’t happen.

SHE FLIPPED OUT.  Right there in front of about 100 people or more, she began screaming at me.  She came right at me to get in my face but, due to my mother screaming and physically attacking me at a drop of a hat as a child and teenager, I wasn’t afraid.  I got steely, held my ground, looked right into her eyes with what must have been my suddenly hard eyes (I don’t like being attacked), and asked her directly if she was crazy.  She suddenly went quiet with an awareness of where she was and began to stomp away down a side corridor that led to our section of the resort.  My dad was standing right there and saw it all.

I decided to go down the same corridor as my instincts told me she was going to go back to the hotel room and tell our mother a lie of what occurred in order to string me up.  I thought it best that I make sure I was there to hear what she was going to say.  My dad followed behind me.

Along the way she slowed down a bit, which I didn’t want her to do. We still had quite a way until we were at our particular building at the far end of the resort.  She turned to me again and in a rage said something to me that I can’t remember now, but I responded still holding my ground, but continuing to walk as I wasn’t agreeing to a physical confrontation, which it seemed she wanted me to do.  I could tell she was seeing red by the look of her face and eyes and she went at me with her hands like claws, only momentarily grabbing my arm before getting a hold of herself.  She then side body-checked me and I turned to our father, who I’d knew would be on his daughter’s side (I’m his adoptee) and said something along the lines of “See, you saw that” to make sure that when he sided with my sister that he’d do it with a bad conscience.  My sister responded that it was because she just didn’t have room to walk.  It was a lame defense as we all saw what she did and that there was plenty of room, she was the one who approached and crowded me and then bashed her body into mine out of frustration.

Here’s the crazy-making thing for me that tries to destroy my mind and soul, and it’s been this way since I was a child.  Everyone else can see the injustice to me, can see that something wasn’t my fault but the fault of another, but EVERY SINGLE TIME the family policy is that it’s my fault.  It’s like they have to have a shattered mind to continually see something plainly but always call it something else.

My sister bullied and pecked at me all along the way, then when I didn’t have to behave like a guest as I did in her condo, I finally made the necessary stand for myself.  She raged at me verbally but I didn’t back down.  So she went for the physical attack but saw I didn’t flinch and basically reminded her and dad that he was a witness.  Now what can she do?  She was out of tools of intimidation.

She raged off ahead of us again.  I wonder what was going through her head as she hoofed off, though I wonder if she was thinking she could kill me.  I have reason to believe this is a good possibility, which I’ll explain in another post.  She’s what I call a ‘deather’.  And it’s not that I thought she’d actually do it, but I do think it was a sudden fantasy in her head at this point.  Anyway, whatever was going through her mind, God did something to snap her out of it.  I know it was a God-thing, I was very worried about what was going to happen to me now when this next thing happened and I right away knew it was Him.

It had just rained a little and it was slippery and she slipped, right ahead of me and in front of other guests.  The guests, two young women being normal, went to help her up asking if she was okay.  She got up mostly herself and wouldn’t even look at them, taking off again in what I suspect was total mortification.  I would think that if there’s anything a narcissist wouldn’t like is something like that happening anywhere, let alone under these sort of circumstances.

I immediately thought, “Thank you, God”as I directly felt He was behind it.

She had been humbled and, although she was still immensely angry, she lost the haughty edge off of it that was fueling her with a sense of power.  You could tell the difference when we got to our room.  She almost had to regroup before she came at me for the attack in front of my parents, who let it happen.

She said we have to talk and I said, okay, but you have to speak quietly and we’ll move to another room to do it (away from our parents so they wouldn’t be dragged into it).  She said, no, here, so I said, okay, I’ll just have to let Mom and Dad know how you’ve been treating me all along.  Then I heard my mother lightly snort behind me, as if she was letting me know she wouldn’t care what my sister did to me.

I mentioned that she had been unwelcoming to me since day one at her condo and that having me leave to my parent’s guest room the last night was the final insult.  She said it was because she couldn’t trust me because she got up in the middle of the night to find that I had left water running in the bathroom sink, and who knows what could have happened if she hadn’t seen it.  This is the lie that she had told my parents.  I didn’t know what she was talking about, I know how to turn off faucets for crying out loud, what was she on about?  I searched my mind and said the only thing I could think of was that I did get up to use the washroom one more time after reading to wind down and then turn in to sleep one night.  I already had my earplugs in (yes, I  sleep with those, it helps!).  Since if I’m unfamiliar with her faucet knobs perhaps I hadn’t turned them completely all the way off and my earplugs covered the slight hissing sound a tiny stream of water would make out of the faucet.  This is far from the impression she seemed to give my parents that I had left water running full force, like I had dementia or something.

She didn’t deny it.  She was caught with me giving the more reasonable story than the one she told my parents.  I live in a house, I reminded them, and I manage it just fine with more rooms and a yard and responsibilities than a small condo.  Did she really think she could get my parents to believe that I’m so incapable of normal things and they believe it when they obviously know differently about me?  I think it was more an issue of them being okay with her saying crap about me than it was about it being plausible or not.  I now believe she made this up to get me out of her condo because she was angry that I questioned her story about her charity to the guy who wanted to walk with her.

While she hollering at the top of her lungs at me (the whole hotel section would have heard her) and I’m defending myself, my parents were sitting on the couch with my mom with a soft twisted smile on her face.

They later joined in the attack, saying that I always see things wrong, that I’ve always take things the wrong way.  No, they were wrong things, and I took them the right way.

So now my mind is just on salvaging mode because I still had another day with them.  She said I was in a bad mood, ruining their vacation, when it was my little four day vacation that was ruined.  I told them I was in a bad mood now because I warned everyone that because of my CFS I would be exhausted and would need more sleep and recoup time than everyone else.  I said I was barely given that and that the more they pecked at me the more I couldn’t handle it and had to keep them at bay.  I then went into how severe CFS can get for a person and that it’s a serious illness, which I’m sure went in one ear and out the other.  But to pull the “I have an illness” card was all I had because nothing else I said would matter to them.  It’s not that they cared, it’s that they would know that it would look bad if I mentioned that and they still went after me.  I was in survival mode and had to spend another day trapped with these three who were all on the same side hating on me.

My sisters response in the lobby and as we were making our way back to our room is exactly what my mother was like to me since my earliest memories at three-years-old, only my mother would actually physically attack me.  I’m sure she did it before I was three, of course, but my memories only began then.  I fear she did this to me when I was immobile in a crib as an infant, which would account for the feeling that I will be killed or annihilated.  Of course, the same feeling could have come even if she started when I could crawl or walk.  It just seems even more terrible to do to a trapped infant who still has no sense of separation from the mother, so I hope that didn’t happen.  She was a teacher before getting married so she was very much into the appearances of things, never attacking me in a way that bruises would show beyond clothing.  It wasn’t organized physical attacks anyway, they were blind rages.  They usually comprised of me in a fetal position as she pummeled her fists all over me while screaming out her rage.

So you can see why my mother didn’t care that my sister was treating me the exact same way she did.  It’s what I was there for, it’s just what one does with me when I have the audacity to speak up.

This is how I spent my last full day:  I mentioned that my sister wanted to keep her wristband (all-inclusive) on her last day.  How they accommodated that for her was that we could all go without a day ahead of time to not have wristbands and then go back to them again up to the time they left.  Guess which day they decided to go without wristbands?  My last day.  Of course.  I was bitter about this as I wasn’t even there just for most of the day, it was for a full day as I left at 4:00 am the next day.  So, there was some inconvenience for me, which would have been okay, except that my inconvenience was for my sister’s and parent’s benefit.  Why wouldn’t they just drop it and do it the way everyone else in the world does it if they could see it was going to be a problem for one of us?  Or just wait until I left and then go a day without the wristbands, being that they were there for another ten days?  Rhetorical questions, of course.

I left for the airport on my own and one of my younger sisters picked me up at the airport.  That is another story for another day.

I think any reader will understand that I will never willingly speak to my older sister again.  It’s not required of me.  She has so gutted me out through a lifetime of her bullying that there isn’t any space in my life or psyche to tolerate one more minute of her voice or attitude.

It has taken me six months to be able to write about this.  It’s made me realize what damage they did to me there.

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17 thoughts on “My Hell in Paradise – Part IV (The Attack)

  1. You held your ground so beautifully in an impossible situation. I love that line to your sister “are you crazy?” And yes that soft twisted smile on your mother’s face when your sister is sticking it to you is such a classic narc reveal. How twisted to use children to inflict abuse on other children and give their tacit applause with their silence. It is what they do, and yet we hang in there calling them family because we have no one else to call family.

    God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. I’ve seen siblings absolutely humiliated a time or two in their rush to do something abusive to me. Not only did my parents not defend me they egged it on, its typical, and those that don’t live in that environment might thing it is paranoia. Those of us that experienced first hand learn to keep our mouths shut because normal people can scarcely believe the persecution of all family members against one. They wonder what you did to provoke the insanity, not understanding that the abuse is random and senseless and actually truly crazy.

    The day is coming, when all mankind stand before the throne of God and explain themselves, on that day those that devoted their lives to afflicting others will feel the shame of their wasted miserable lives.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I literally couldn’t speak of this trip for months and this comment has spoken life into me and my memory of it.

      My mother seems nervous now with what little communication I have with them that things may be changed forever. She is right, but I didn’t know really how much until I was able to begin to process their treatment of me over the last two days.

      I truly believe God had my sister slip to humiliate her in order to prevent her from physically attacking me in the room as she was out of control. I believe maybe she was going to.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Trying to point out to a narcissist how they are hurting you always gets turned around. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it but it can set us up for big problems. Well done, doing it though. I really laughed when I read of how your sister fell and that’s not something I would find funny if it was anyone else.

    You are going to feel so much stronger by keeping your distance. We seem to get hit hardest towards the end when we have to suck up the painful truth for the final time. Its killing energy to your soul and spirit, it truly is.

    Liked by 3 people

    • That is a good point about not telling a narcissist how they’ve hurt you as I now know that they’re taking notes to do it again. But at that time I think I was still thinking I could perhaps reason but, mostly, I was holding them off so I could survive the next day I had to spend with them.

      Yeah, her slipping was perfect timing! I do think it prevented her from going on an even worse attack when we got back to our room.

      I believe you that such toxic relationships kill energy to our souls and spirits. I’ve been feeling that. I started this blog a few months after that incident because I knew I had to make changes to how I related to them.

      Liked by 3 people

      • Yes it takes SO LONG to really get how impossible it is to change them in any way. I know as I was in a relationship with a narcissist in my last relationship and he would make a lot of things that I did seem like they were terrible things (feeling my emotions, trying to set boundaries, plead for respect) and I would get so mixed up Id end up apologising. It was pointed out to me not to engage with him in anyway or try to get him to see reason. Narcissists aren’t logical, they are emotionally blinkered and any attempt to get them to see their part is doomed. We still try though as that is all part of the learning and shows we actually are emotionally healthy and have not split off primal human needs.. we just have to learn to be realistic and savvy as to where we can get those needs met.

        Liked by 3 people

        • “Narcissists aren’t logical, they are emotionally blinkered and any attempt to get them to see their part is doomed.” I’ve learned that from what I’ve read and in my own experience. I wonder how many people read that about narcissists and think it means that they make of a show of not seeing their fault in anything, that they’re just very defensive but will rethink the situation in their minds later, maybe admit to themselves that they might have done wrong, but just wish to never admit it to anyone. The reality, as you’d know, is that they actually never think they have a part in anything wrong. Ever. As far as they’re concerned, they don’t have any wrongdoing to even admit to themselves.

          I also suspect they don’t roll over any event in their minds to analyze it much. It seems my mother and sister tend to go from one event to another, always in the right and never looking back to analyze a past event. Some people mention how narcissists say that they don’t remember an event or action that they had done. I actually think they really don’t. I don’t think their minds work the same way ours do.

          Liked by 3 people

          • I think you have hit the nail on the head. They don’t go through any pain of analysing anything. I found a great quote on line here somewhere which says this “you cant expect to have a deep relationship with a shallow person”. That pretty much sums up narcissists and our struggle as the one’s wounded by their lack of empathy.

            Liked by 3 people

  3. Your mother’s twisted smile… the thought of that, the mental image, makes me sick to my stomach. My mother did the same thing when my dad was beating me. What kind of a mother will SMILE at the sight of her daughter in pain, like she’s watching a comedy show on TV?

    Like you, I also sense that my mother probably attacked me when I was an infant. It’s like a shadow of a memory. I think she put a pillow over my face to stop my crying. I think she did that more than once. I have a shadow memory of a pillow pressed down on my face, and I am unable to breathe.

    Your family choosing to go without the bracelets on one of your few days there, instead of doing that on another day, out of the two whole weeks they would be there — just so your sister could have her bracelet on, the entire last day of her stay — that makes No Sense. Why was it “better” for her to have no bracelet, along with all the rest of the family, on one of your few days there, than for her, alone, to have no bracelet on her last day? The only thing about this that makes any sense at all, is simply that it was done to mess up your brief vacation. The three of them chose to do this, to be mean to you. Period. There is no other reason.

    This, to me, is the most painful aspect of your story: the obvious fact that your parents and your sister delight in hurting you. Your parents and your sister delight in rejecting and excluding you.

    They do these soul murdering things, and then they get to be innocent of any wrongdoing, by simply claiming that you always see things wrong. And THAT is gaslighting.

    If I were you, I would never want to spend another Thanksgiving, or any other day, with these people. I probably would not even bother with an excuse. I would probably just say, “No I won’t be there.” Let them be upset and mad, so what? They already find fault with you, regardless of what you do.

    ((HUG))

    Liked by 2 people

    • The whole wristband thing was confusing to me, then and now. Why the push to force the hotel to do something so different that they didn’t have a ready alternative for her? It was the concierge who finally came up with the idea for the manger for them to allow them to switch the day for no wristbands. Why didn’t they say no? It seems like such a strange thing to accommodate.

      Why they would do it on my last day? The only answer I can come up with is, if they have to go a day without the convenience of all-inclusive for one day then I should have to go through it to.

      I guess I’m going through this exercise of trying to figure out what they heck they were attempting in all this is because it’s confusing. And I have to right now remind myself that if something confuses me, it’s because it’s actually confusing, not my inability to understand it. Reality has a natural flow to it, when something is suddenly chaotic in you head and you can’t find the ready answers for why it looks that way, it’s because someone’s distorted something unrealistically. On purpose. I just don’t know how or why, but I know there’s some kind of effery going on.

      That’s why I need other people’s perspective on this for confirmation that there was some kind of mind-gaming they were doing or something. Because I still don’t know why they were so intent on doing something so odd and why the hotel agreed with it. And then why they made it so uncomfortable for me when my short vacation was already so unhappy for me.

      Your answer helps as it shows the confusion isn’t just mine and that they did it on purpose. I still don’t know why the hotel let them do this when they’ve never had a guest ask to do it before? Maybe it just proves how manipulative my sister is.

      There’s something about this trip that was very significant and I don’t feel I’ve cracked it yet. All these comments are helpful, though. I do know that I need to remove myself from them as it seems they’re becoming stranger, diabolical, and direct in their treatment of me.

      I think if they all want to lose their minds then their going to have to do it without me. I do think it’ll be interesting to see if, when I’m totally out of the picture, that they’ll move to another sibling who right now would think everything is my fault and will find out they were wrong. I think that would be my only hope for validation from someone but I know I can’t rely on it ever happening.

      I got a sick feeling, too, when you described your mom smiling when your father beat you. I remember other times with this occurring and I truly think that they get some sort of pleasurable energy out of it. It’s one of the reasons why I think there’s a spiritual issue in all this, not just a brain hardwiring one.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Very wise, what you said:
        “I have to right now remind myself that if something confuses me, it’s because it’s actually confusing, not my inability to understand it. Reality has a natural flow to it, when something is suddenly chaotic in you head and you can’t find the ready answers for why it looks that way, it’s because someone’s distorted something unrealistically.” Absolutely right!

        I, too, wondered why the resort agreed to that silly arrangement with your wristbands. Then the truth hit me: it was to shut her up. Of course! The management did not have the authority to give them more hours than they had paid for with their wristband privileges. But, if that particular future day was more important to them, for some unknown reason, to have their wristbands, they could trade off with a day that wasn’t so important. Having myself worked with unreasonable customers in years passed, it makes sense to me that the management was willing to do whatever they had the authority to do, to simply shut her up. Regardless of whether her request seemed like nonsense: if it would make her shut up and go away, fine!

        But… how was it fair for YOU to go a whole day without your wristband, when you would not be there to make it up on another day? You should not have had to remove your wristband for that day, since your five days were already paid for and you were not going to be there to switch to the future day. Why did all four of you have to remove your wristbands? It makes no sense, unless, as I said, your “family” wanted to ruin your last vacation day, just to be mean. It is the only explanation that makes any kind of “sense”.

        Even if the management needed to have everyone on the joint account now wearing a wristband on that day, then they should have picked a day after you were gone.

        Liked by 2 people

        • That’s what I found confusing! It was why I had to lose a day at all myself when I left at 4:00 am on my last day! They made me be without a band just so I wouldn’t have what they didn’t have, a convenient last day.

          My psyche was so assaulted by them at this point that I couldn’t think straight enough to see why I was getting confused. I knew it was unfair that they should choose my last day to do this when this was what they were trying to avoid for themselves, but it was confusing because I didn’t need to do it at all but I was too tired to process that fact.

          How petty is that. I’m glad I went through this exercise of trying to figure this out because it’s making me realize how demented and irrational they are in their own worlds, and that they don’t just drag me into their narcissistic stupidity but also others.

          It actually helps me see them as less powerful and just more evilly pathetic. I’m beginning to see the narcissistic manipulation as less of a powerful tool they have and just more of an indication that they just don’t know how to behave properly in society.

          I can see how when even after management explained to her that, no, she wasn’t being gypped on her last day that they feel they still needed to accommodate her. (She had been to that resort around two times already – she must have thought this time she could try this route with them). My sister always has an air that she is always right even when shown wrong. They must have thought that this isn’t a guest they could reason with.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. I believe you’re right, Prairie Girl, that there is also a spiritual element to the abuse – it’s evil.
    Your poor inner child… being physically beaten too. Made me incredibly sad for you.
    You say you are getting angry, good for you. Let it out. Turn up the volume of your music and scream it out!
    🐻 💜 🌻

    Liked by 2 people

  5. You’ve been dealing with this all this time without you writing about it until now. In the beginning of this post, you spoke of your sister telling you to be quiet, which she certainly shouldn’t be doing, but, I will bet she was trying to hear what the guy was saying on the phone. The bit about the faucet being left on by you, that reminds me of my own mother, I will bet it didn’t happen at all, she made it up for the moment because it worked, maybe she had even just glanced at the faucet a second before saying it. The physical attack is really out of control. Talk about emotional dysregulation. I know psychopaths are supposed to have poor behavioral controls. I wouldn’t be surprised your mom did something unspeakable to you when you were very small. You remember some stuff, the really bad stuff we’re not supposed to remember at all. Sorry I’ve been away from your blog for a couple of days, I’m just doing the best that I can. I’m better now:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so glad you’re better now. I very much noticed you not being active in the last few days and I was so glad to see your comment!

      I found I couldn’t write about the trip since it happened but it did lead me to research more on the subject of narcissists that then led to me creating this blog.

      In a way I still have difficulty saying or describing, the whole trip was a trauma to me. If I tried to write about it I wouldn’t be able to find any words and my stomach would get that fearful lead feeling. I came home from that trip feeling like I had escaped something oppressive.

      I never considered that she just made up that story but I will now. I was the one who offered that it may have only been a tiny stream of water but that was only out of trying to make the ridiculous scenario she presented into something half-plausible. But maybe she made it up out of the blue.

      She was demented while I was staying in that condo. I helped by putting a few dishes in the dishwasher and she announced to me and my parents that she was going to have to re-do the dishwasher now. I put the plates where the plates go and the cups where the cups go like the whole world does, but she rudely went and moved them around slightly.

      There was a dimmer light in the bathroom that automatically dimmed to a night light but she constantly monitored it to make sure I hadn’t manually turned it off like she was compelled. I hadn’t but even if I as a guest HAD, so what?

      I see now that she was being compulsive and must have found it too difficult to be a control-freak and have someone in the condo. So she made up a story to get me out. I think my being critical of her story was the last straw for her.

      About her barely controlled outburst – I wonder what she’s done to her children while they were growing up. I think she would have been an extremely ‘okay one second and then flipping out the next’ kind of parent.

      I don’t know what I’m not remembering. If there is anything I’m hoping that my writing will slowly and healthily get me there.

      Liked by 1 person

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