The Relationship “Curse”

I was around nine.  I had been either arguing with my younger sister or not agreeing with my mom on something, I don’t remember.  I wouldn’t have dared argued with my mom at that age, so the worst would have been that I just voiced disagreement with doing a chore or something light like that.  And if it was an argument with my sister, it would have been the usual fare seen in homes around the world.  I mention these things to show just how bizarre and over-the-top my mother’s response to me was:

“The way you are, a man would never want you for more than two years.”

It was a bomb.

It felt like a curse, even at the moment she said it.  I remember thinking how weird it was that she was telling a nine-year-old this as I was so young marriage was the furthest thing from my mind.  I also remembered fearing in that moment that it might actually happen now that she said it.

On remembering that moment that she delivered that line to me, I feel she said it almost like she was trying it out, like it was something that she heard before (said to her, or somewhere else?) and she thought she’d try it out on me.  That’s the impression I had.  I was just too young and the line too odd for to be genuine, but it was something mean and fun for her to say and it did its work on me all the same.

I know it wasn’t a curse proper because the Word tells us that a curse doesn’t land on those who don’t deserve it, and I as a nine-year-old I didn’t deserve it – Proverbs 26:2 “As the bird by wandering, as the swallow by flying, so the curse causeless shall not come.”

Maybe it just did a work on my mind’s hardware.  I just know that I was scared it was going to happen and, in fact, it did actually come true.  I personally ended the few relationships I had on my own just before or on the two-year mark, although they were almost all abusive and should have been ended.  Even my marriage ended at two years.  The only one that wasn’t abusive was my last relationship two years ago, which I ended after a year-and-a-half because I didn’t feel great love from either side and marriage didn’t seem on the horizon when marriage is what I want.  It was the first significant relationship that wasn’t abusive and in which I stuck to my values, so at least there was that improvement and a little hopeful.

There are a few cruel and odd things my mother said to me in my childhood that came true.  God allows the words of a parent over a child to be a fearfully powerful thing.

I’ve often asked God to remove any effects of harming words and intentions spoken over me.  I think of the blessings God wants for those who love Him and feel I need to allow the Bible to speak those into my life, to override any harming words that were spoken over me in the past.

I will have a relationship that will last over two years, in fact, I can find a husband in Christ and we will be there for each other for the rest of our lives.  I’m no longer required to be the person my mother said I was, the two-year relationship person.  I’m now a child of God and I now have the freedom to find a good man and settle in for a good long and enduring relationship.

This is just another thing among many things that I need to start telling myself in order to remap and renew my mind.  I thank God for the things I’m learning here among my new blogging friends.  I’m getting stronger hope for my future, little by little.

 

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18 thoughts on “The Relationship “Curse”

  1. Its good to be able to discriminate what the old programmes and false beliefs we absorbed were. My parents told me I couldn’t have a pet as I would not take care of it. It took me over a year to trust myself enough to get my dog. The amount of times my mother has told me I should get rid of him is unbelievable. I know I am a good doggy Mum 🙂

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  2. Oh my goodness… it seems like these narcissistic momsters all follow the same script!

    When I was sixteen, I excitedly told my mother that my boyfriend had just asked me to marry him. Her response: “He only thinks he loves you because he doesn’t really know you. But after he has lived with you for awhile and finds out what you are really like, he won’t love you anymore.”

    Her curse really did seem to come true, as my first husband started beating me and cheating on me within a few weeks of our marriage.

    My life followed that same pattern through several abusive marriages and relationships… until I came back to Christ in 2003, and right away I began to consciously affirm what the Bible says about me, as a beloved daughter of the most high God! I have now been happily married to the man I call my best friend husband for over twelve years, since 2004. My husband loves me. I mean, he REALLY LOVES me. And he knows me far better than anyone has ever known me. Every day my husband treats me with kindness, compassion, and respect, and I do the same for him. For us, it’s easy to get along!

    I will admit, however, that our first year of marriage was rough because we both have PTSD, and also because we had both had our hearts shattered so many times in past failed relationships, so we were afraid of that happening again. But then my husband went into an in-house 8 week treatment program for war veterans with PTSD — I had already had some treatment for my PTSD — and my husband came out a changed man, unafraid to be close and to love.

    I am so sorry that your mother wounded your sweet young spirit with her ignorant, hateful words. Her “curse” over you came straight from the pit of help. How wonderful it is that you are shaking off your mother’s curses now, with the TRUTH about the woman God created you to be!!

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  3. This is a very important post in providing a tool in the arsenal needed to recover from the lies and curses. We have to replace the lie with the truth but doing so starts by identifying the lie and recognizing it as a flaming arrow from hell itself.

    A curse my mother spoke over me immediately came to mind and I mean it was uttered like a curse when I was about 23 and trying to find work. She’d said many of them throughout my life probably starting at birth but this one particularly hit the target “you are going to be nothing but an old welfare hag and lose all your teeth as they rot out one by one” She predicted a future of welfare and poverty when I was young, energetic and driven to improve my life. I wasn’t even on welfare at the time nor had I considered it. The curse was the result of me saying I thought I needed to move to a new area to find other work opportunities.

    My brother took up the taunt then “you are nothing but a welfare mentality loser” Its something else to have family members curse you too. In fact I worked circles around most people so the curses about me being lazy and a mooch made no sense at all.

    She wanted me in town where she lived so I could be her gopher and provide slave labor for her thus the rage that I’d think of moving. I was very sensitive about my teeth, they are crooked, my parents sent my sister to a European boarding school but told me orthodontia and dental care was too expensive. I tried to make my own braces out of paperclips when in grade school I was that desperate

    A life time of closed mouth smiles because I was ashamed of crooked teeth made me very sensitive about the way my smile looked. So of course vividly picturing rotted out missing teeth and looking like a hag was something I could imagine. Lots of teeth problems since that time and losing them one by one leaves me devastated as if her prophecy is coming true. What sort of demonic person wants their child’s teeth to rot out to prove a point?

    Oh the relationship thing, multiple curses in all sorts of shapes and sizes about that. And I’ve unquestioning lived them out. Sad to say that the curses floating in my head now are often in my own voice carrying out the “your doomed to poverty and will die alone” I think I need to learn some things about spiritual warfare and renewing my mind with the promises in the bible!

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  4. Wow, that’s three of us so far that has suffered under the cursings of our mothers instead of their blessings. I think for God to not have children fall under the negative words spoken by parents He’d also have to have the blessings parents say over their children to also be of no effect, and He’s not willing to do that. We, unfortunately, had parents who were willing to use that power to destroy us, and I don’t think they were unaware of that.

    All the ridiculous words said that, if they said to another full grown woman, they would seriously suffer social repercussions over it. They would have been laughed at if they tried to say such stupid things to another full-grown woman. But we were little girls and they were cowards and bullies.

    I have to learn to turn these words around, too, and I think of one of the ways is to realize that if a woman said it to me now I’d have no problem with seeing that she was a crazy and evil woman. It’s hard for me to swallow, but I see now that my mother was crazy and evil, especially since she had said these such things to her own child.

    In other words, I have no reason to accept these words from my mother than I would if I heard it from any other woman.

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  5. Hi Prarie Girl, I’ve been having some personal struggles lately and haven’t been around as much as I’d like, but, I thought returning to the blogs was a good idea so here I am:) I think these foreshadowing words of hard times these narc mothers put on us they actually help to make come true. It’s like a self fulfilling prophecy but for another person so the less information she has about your life the better. But yes, it’s like a tape in our heads that plays in the back of our minds that needs to be recorded over. I understand you wanting a husband and best friend, I share in that too.

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    • It’s wonderful to hear from you. Thanks for coming by, Ruby, and taking the time to comment as I love hearing from you.

      Thinking of it in terms “recording over” what was said is a great way of thinking about it. I’m going to try thinking of it that way.

      I hope you have a restful evening and a nice day tomorrow. And I pray you find a husband who loves you and that he comes to you in good timing.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. This gives me hope that one day I may find a loving, NON-narcissist man to spend my later years with. If it never happens, it’s alright, but I don’t have to keep telling myself it will never happen. Those “curses” sure mess with your wiring though, don’t they?

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