This following Youtube video is from Richard Grannon of Spartan Life Coach. Many of you may have already watched many of his videos. This one in particular sparked off many thoughts that I wanted to share. It’s titled “Seven Tips to Know: Am I Really the victim of Narcissistic Abuse or am I just Hypersensitive?”
This video is great for determining whether a new relationship is one that we may not want to go further into. The video mentions the over-use of the narcissist label, but it mostly gives tools to us who’s first instinct when feeling rejected or mistreated by someone is to run. We’re probably not being rejected. We could use tools in learning that we may be misinterpreting the other person’s behaviour and could use some tools to help us navigate such situations.
The writing down the incident in a third-person perspective is a great idea for clarity on a situation as it helps distance you from the emotions you have tied to it. Some of us have a rich imagination from when we were isolated children left on their own to make sense of a traumatic situation that had just occurred. Because of that, we may be already well-practiced in using a third-person perspective in our heads in attempting to sort out a situation but many of us know even that has limitations. It doesn’t seem to stop us from falling into the over-analyzing trap as it still doesn’t emotionally distance ourselves like writing the situation down does. Also writing it down has the added benefit of taking an ugly situation and “putting it out there”, actually taking much of the ugliness and removing it out from you. It actually works, not just for these type of situations but for any feelings or thoughts you don’t want to continue going through your head.
Even after doing this exercise you may still find yourself in a new incident, or dwelling on an old one, questioning, “Is it me? Is it them?” I myself recognize this constant questioning to be a start to another endless over-analyzing and I can often rid of it immediately by telling myself that it doesn’t matter. I just don’t want that kind of negative interactions with anyone new. I remind myself that I don’t care if it was my fault or theirs, we’re obviously not a good fit if I’m having negative emotions after spending time with them. This is even more so with a person who has abused me in the past as I’ve had my lifetime fill of it with them. It’s a new skill I’ve learned and it almost works every time I employ it.
I’ve also learned that I can go low-contact or no-contact with people even from my family. I’m learning that the decision to interact doesn’t just belong to other people but belongs to me as well. I don’t have to be “nice” and go along with an interaction just because this person who I’ve had a long history of periodic ostracizing and abuse with is seeming to be making an attempt to be friendly. They’re not the only ones who gets to make a decision about this. I may have already deemed the relationship to not be mutually beneficial, and on that merit alone I may continue not having a relationship with them or communicate with them anymore.
My anxiety has lowered once I began no- and low-contact, as well as my tendency to look over my shoulder over decisions wondering what certain family members would think of them. To remove myself from those who held me under a dark oppression my whole life has been utter freedom.