I Think I Found My People

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Today I went with a new friend who lives on my street to the resort village neighbouring our town to visit the flea market and take in one of the antique stores, the lakeside coffee shop, and visit one of her acquaintance’s shops.

Now, this village is where many artists choose to live and congregate and this acquaintance’s shop, it turns out, is a lovely artist shop that was partly full of her and her husband’s creations and some from others.  I thought it was wonderful.  My spirit felt a little tangled as I left after purchasing a few little treasures that I could afford.  It was tangled from a heavy wistfulness that wanted the life this shop represented, full of creating hands and simplicity and loveliness but that I knew will take a while to manifest in my own life.  I have a lot of catching-up work ahead of me to make enough of my own creations, and to make them well enough, to introduce myself fully into this community.

I came out knowing, though, that this kind of life is what I want now, that this is what all my life was meant to finally direct me to.

After returning home  I realized that a door knob purchased from the antique store wasn’t going to work for the door it was intended for.  I went back to return it as the village is only five minutes away and, since I was alone, I decided to go to an outdoor gallery full of well-constructed rustic wood outbuildings that housed the creations of several artists.

I’m new-ish in the town I’m living in and had been bedridden off-and-on for most of the years here because of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  Because of this I’m only now well enough to begin exploring and not so riddled with anxiety anymore that I could enjoy being alone looking at the art and handmades.  So I walked around the outdoor gallery soaking in the atmosphere as much as looking at the wares.

I had already decided some time ago that now is the time that I want to reinvent myself to be the person I am if I didn’t constantly worry about fitting in or looking over my shoulder to see if I met the expectations of my scapegoating and rejecting family.  Today was the day that I took that decision and super-sized it.

I was among my kind of people today.  They were friendly, the sort of genuine friendliness that’s born from people who consider it a moral duty.  It’s the kind of friendliness you can rely on.  This one young lady in particular had a makeup-less face that shone when she smiled as she let me know that she cut and polished her own stones before fashioning them within their silver jewelry casing.  I once was told that my face shone like that many years ago when I first became a Christian in my 30s.  Fifteen years and the tail end of the worst part of a chronic illness later, I want it to again, by the renewal of my health and the gathering of blessings that came from the ordeal.

The metal sculpturist brought up the summer mugginess to me, good-naturedly describing himself as too fat and old for it.  He was honest in his description but definitely on the “but not too much” side of both traits, and he wore an awesome full beard that went just right with his occupation.

Right in the middle of it all was a very large flower garden that one could meander through.  A lady, who looked up and smiled, was attending it with one of those oversized watering cans.  There must have been a reason why a hose wasn’t being used, such as it being so far from a spigot that it would necessitate an annoyingly long hose, and I thought it more picturesque this way anyway.  I don’t know if it was her garden or a community garden, but she looked content with the watering work it was asking from her.

I bought two little inexpensive copper rings as a token purchase from the girl selling her handmade jewelry.  I’m in the same financially tight lifestyle as they are but happily wanted to pay my way for the looking and chatting.  I am going to begin to visit a bit more and get to know more of the people in that village this summer.

My eyes, ears, and heart felt at home and even sighed a bit, I think.  It’s time to embrace my creative side again and finally be with my kind of people.

 

 

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14 thoughts on “I Think I Found My People

  1. I love this comment ” They were friendly, the sort of genuine friendliness that’s born from people who consider it a moral duty” I could write a blog on the moral responsibility of a civil community. I think friendliness or lack of it is really more obvious and important when you are dealing with a chronic health issue. The vulnerability of that and sometimes the self loathing (which I’ve had) makes those hellos or lack of them very notable on a landscape of a life that can feel very barren of beauty.

    Yes, about finding your community too. My daughter lived in a part of a state that was very blue collar. Her dad was nearby and insisted she was just too uppity for them because she kept gravitating toward the down town arts area. She is an artist, those are her people. Finally after 5 years of struggling to fit into her dad’s world she took the leap of faith and moved to the uptown arts area. Happiness and pure joy is coming back to her. Geography matters, those people are her people and she feels at home at last

    I’m extremely oppressed by lots of concrete and impersonal cities. I attempted to live in Dallas Texas for about 2 years because of work opportunities. I had a full on nervous breakdown from the stress to my soul, mind and body of trying to fit into that greedy empire of republican insanity. In other words, I didn’t belong. I live were I belong now, and am much. much happier. Hope is easier in the right geographical place

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks so much for your comment, Katie. About the civility, I would seriously come home and never want to leave again when I was more ill and forced to interact with people. I was so oversensitive to perceived rejection even by strangers at the time due to my upbringing causing me social fear, combined with my extra need for people to be kind, or even just neutral, due to the illness. Now that I’m getting better I decided that I don’t want to be an oversensitive victim all the time. I have to start living life and decided everything has to change.

      I do have to remind myself when I’m physically and mentally able to also think of it as MY moral obligation to have an open face, quick smile and be willingness to participate in small talk when I’m running errands. I’m so often in need in receiving those things that I can forget to be a bringer of those to others too. And I’m only now able to do so again here and there. It makes me feel like a real person.

      And about being in the right place, it just struck me now that they were probably responding to me as well. I was so enjoying being there and taking it all in that I must have had a demeanor easy to respond to. So, I guess if a person feels they’re in the right place they look more content and others are free to respond well in return if they’re so inclined.

      I gave up cities for coming up 10 years now. Some are okay to visit but I think I’d die inside if I ever had to live in one again, which is funny because I was a diehard city girl up to that point.

      I’m was so glad when reading about your daughter that she eventually moved to a place that made her happy. That was a nice happy ending to the story. It IS so important, like how when you moved to the community you live in now. It’s always great to read about how content you are there.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I so relate to your story. One step at a time I’m trying as well to move out of victim. I think it helps to re-frame the grief of being a victim caused into an opportunity to develop strength, perseverance, faith and find my life and hope in God.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. This was such an enjoyable post to read. Your words were so picturesque, I could easily imagine your whereabouts without the aid of an illustration. I would have liked to have been there myself! Good point about fitting in your whereabouts. I only recently started thinking about that. I’m beginning to become older and have realized that when that happens, your clothing is more important, so is grooming. A person needs to be respected when out in public. Especially folks like us who’s own families didn’t really respect us. I think that’s where the problem begins. If you don’t even have family to turn to, people seem to know and then step on you themselves.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, Ruby, and I think you would have enjoyed it if you were there.

      I understand what you mean about the grooming to garner respect. I’ve always done that out of anxiety but I found it only goes so far. What I’ll say seems to me to be the greatest way to let people know they’re dealing with a person they should be decent to is good natural grooming, a straight posture and relaxed face, and a friendly demeanor. That says, “I already know my worth and I recognize yours as well.” This allows people to relax, I think, and want to mirror your smile back to you. Have you ever noticed this, Ruby? It’d be nice to learn to fake it until we make it.

      It’s harder to practice than to say. And yes, they almost SMELL our vulnerability off of us, our fear of being socially rejected. LIke sharks smelling blood, some of them. lol That’s why it’d be great to learn to hold them at bay until we do the inner work to make us more genuinely confident.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Maybe most people aren’t like us? And that’s why they react like they do, because we’re different. Maybe we need to be less nice. Some people mirror it back(the niceness), I guess it’s the narcs who don’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I agree, it’s the narcs and psychopaths that don’t mirror it back, unless they’re using it for they’re own benefit.

      By not being as nice, if you mean that we need to learn to not accept unwarranted bad behaviour and attitudes from others, then definitely YES. For me, I have to learn when it was a genuinely bad attitude or that I thought it was one because of my over-sensitivity. And then I need to heal enough, if it was a genuine bad attitude, to not fall into a pit of pain. I want to learn how to deal with negative interactions in a healthy balanced way.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I’m with you on all that. But, just the other day I encountered real rudeness from a longtime friend, I’m thinking she’s been a narc all along. I told her some facts, things I discovered in my life and she didn’t believe like 3 different things I told her and when I offered proof she wasn’t interested. This same person retracted certain things she said in the recent past. It was very upsetting, the only thing I can think of is she is a N and it took me getting better to realize it.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Perhaps. And even if she weren’t one, I think it’s still okay for you to reevaluate a relationship based on new information you learn about the other person or as the two of you change. That sounds like it was really hurtful.

          Liked by 1 person

      • It is a cooler kind of normal. I’m old but I feel like I fit in well with the hipsters in my kids’ age group. Much better than I fit in with the boring and conventional corporate drones and McMansion dwellers in their gated communities who make up most of my family. It’s not sour grapes–but I would never want that kind of life anyway, even if I had the money.

        Liked by 2 people

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